WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
