Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
