I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
