So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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