I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
