I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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