this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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