Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
