I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
