I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
