3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
