Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
