How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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