I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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