Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
