i used baking grease as lip gloss
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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