I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
