Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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