i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
