We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
