I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
