you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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