I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
