i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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