Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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