My liver just broke up with me...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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