my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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