1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
