you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No subtext here. People are naked.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
