Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize