Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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