at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
