Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
