He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
