Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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