I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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