There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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