Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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