No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
