Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
