I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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