i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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