There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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