My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
time to smoke my breakfast
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
