I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
