I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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