In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.