A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS