in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette