He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
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Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.