Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
