The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
