The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat