first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.