dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?