fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
