Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?