sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night