Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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