She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
