you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
and you fell through a lawn chair
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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