Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
