my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
