turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
