Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
