dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
