with your own penis?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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