We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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