im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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