Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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