it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
