hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Vodka?
Forever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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