oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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