i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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