Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
